The Canyon Caverns is an oasis of craziness in the middle of nowhere. The car park, excuse me, the lot is full of old British cars that have been left to rust, the shop and restaurant are presided over by a life size model of Betty Boo and everywhere there are old telephones, typewriters, washing machines and crap from the 50s and 60s. And I never mentioned the dinosaurs!! They confine themselves to the mini-golf course and the path leading to the bar which, when we arrived the previous evening, we were told was only a mile along an unlit road heading into the wilderness. We set off at dusk and after 20 minutes or so realised that either American miles were longer than their UK equivalent or we were just totally unfit. We decided it must be the former and returned to get the car. We arrived at the bar tired and thirsty and quickly polished off a couple of beers 😜😜😜 Now it was my day to drive and those who know me know that I totally abstain when driving. However this is Arizona and a road into the desert with nobody about, what could possibly go wrong. Anyway we set off at speed headlights on full beam and as we rounded a corner just past the Triceratops, there was a Black&White hiding in the bushes just off the track. If it wasn’t a 1950s Highway Patrol Cruiser, we could’ve been in big trouble 😉😉😉 Anyway let’s get on with the day. We started off at the Roadkill cafe for breakfast, their motto being ‘You kill it, We’ll grill it’ and then onto Meteor Crater which is a very big hole in the ground and quite spectacular. Then onto the Grand Canyon, which is an even bigger hole in the ground and pisses off the people at Meteor Crater no end!! Driving back through the park we took pictures of deer with their best friend a wild boar! Don’t ask, just visit the gallery. Then we slowed down as Mike saw some more deer just off the side of the road. As he was driving that day I asked him to pull forward so I could get a clearer shot. He said he couldn’t and I was saying you must pull forward. He refused and asked me to look straight ahead as I had been too busy looking out of the side window to notice. Right in front of us was this female deer just waiting to cross the road, immediately a thought sprang into my mind. You kill it, we’ll grill it! I’m joking 😋😋😋 we got some great shots and then on to Kingman where we arrived late, had an inedible Mexican and off to beddybyes. Tomorrow it’s going to be a ghost town!! Can’t wait.

The second night in Phoenix ended in Patty’s bar in Scottsdale. Now this is how I would imagine a wild west bar would look and feel. The barman explained how Patty (now 87) had set the bar up some 40 years ago and her family had pinned dollar bills to the wall as a good luck sign. The walls, ceiling and anything that stands still long enough gets ”billed’ and it makes an impressive site. See the gallery for pictures. The games room was really lively and at one point a barman cleared away our glasses of fireball while we were playing pool even though they weren’t finished. When confronted, or shouted at and he turned round I initially thought I’m glad I took out that medical cover!! But despite his manner he came back from the bar with two free refills 😋😋😋 and not his shotgun! Seriously though there have been a couple of bars visited with signs outside saying ‘No Firearms’. It must be an Arizona thing. So, hitting the road again, first stop was Montezuma’s Castle which was an early Indian settlement carved into the face of a cliff. It is a five storey twenty room house which accomodated a family group of forty-five people! an astonishing achievement back in 700 AD. Then onto Sedona which is situated in a spectacular valley of red rock mountains and buttes which most of the town is built from. Here we saw our first forest fire, the whole area had smelt of smoke for some time but it was only when driving over the top of a ridge we saw the smoke and then the fire planes dropping water. It was far enough away as not to be a threat and no closed roads so far. After Sedona was Flagstaff, and this is a western town in every way and a throwback to the West of old complete with old steam trains on display in the sidings. Brilliant!! It was in Flagstaff that we joined the iconic Route 66 and took it, on and off, to our next night in Caverns Canyon. More on that tomorrow.

Welcome to Scottsdale. This is the ‘arty’ district of Phoenix and houses dozens of galleries and exclusive stores selling pottery, paintings and jewellery. The photo here is Old Town which has plenty of bars and restaurants serving great food from Creole to Mexican. As the temperature has gone up a notch to 105F it’s a good idea to take refuge in the shade of most bars that conveniently supply a constant spray of fine mist which cools the air and, occasionally, you. The planned trip to Tombstone had to be cancelled as a six hour round car journey was asking too much of an old fart who had over indulged the night before. In fairness the bar visited did cook an amazing bowl of Cajun pork, peppers, Monterey Jack cheese and chillies all washed down with very large Johnnie Walker black label. As well as all that the music was right up my street with a lot of seventies rock and blues 👍👍👍

Joshua Tree National Park is a really strange place. It has dozens of weird rock formations that appear to be placed randomly by some superior sentient being just to piss us off and wonder how on earth  these things got here as they don’t seem to belong to the general landscape and stick out like a teetotaler on a stag do! They take on many shapes and get labelled accordingly, so we have Skull Rock, Arch Rock and many others that someone, possibly stoned, went around naming them. Then there are the Joshua Trees that are everywhere and are a cross between a real tree and a cactus and seem only to be there so Bono could name a U2 album after them and for that reason alone should be eradicated from the planet!! After that we drove through to Phoenix and along the way heard genuine radio adverts for firearms, weed, alcohol and viagra which, collectively, would cater for a damn good night out 😋😋😋. Reaching Old Scottsdale in Phoenix, which is the old part of the town we spent a very pleasant evening watching and having explained to us the rules of baseball. And I thought cricket was complicated!! So we’re safely back in the hotel in the company of a certain Mr Jack Daniels and ready to explore the old town tomorrow

After a long, hot and dusty drive from Long Beach, we eventually reach Yucca Valley. Nestled in the centre of a spectacular mountain range the temperature quickly soared to 99F! There are Joshua Trees and weird rock formations everywhere which Google Maps insisted we visited when the insane bitch took us down a dirt track into the wilderness for 40 minutes. Eventually we arrived at the hotel and for an evening meal we visited the Kimi Bar and Grill for some authentic Japanese cuisine where we met our waitress the beautiful Yumiko. Now, we all know that good wine in a Californian restaurant is going to be slightly less expensive than our UK equivalent and, having ordered a $19.99 bottle of Chardonnay to accompany our Soya Beans starter and Teriyaki main course, I was still startled at the size of bottle. I don’t know if this is the standard measure in the States but this was a 1.5 Litre bottle, twice the size of a UK bottle and not bad for about £16.00!! After that the evening was a bit of a blur although I remember chewing on the Soya beans for ages and having to discreetly spit out the pods as they were tough and stringy until Yumiko explained that you pop open the pods and just eat the beans inside, Doh!! We did order dumplings that never arrived and Yumiko apologised for giving us the wrong size bottle. Apology accepted hic! So back to the hotel pool for a couple of cold beers and examine the vinyl records that I bought from a secondhand shop earlier in the day. Awesome 😁😁😁

All aboard Queen Mary, as Edward V used to joke back in the day. But, seriously, this is a beautiful boat and all the original fittings are as they were when this ship was the ultimate in travel luxury. The views are stunning and even though it is permanently moored it does rise and fall slightly with the tide. As you can see our cabin isn’t too bad bnd comes complete with two portholes which will be really convenient if we drink too much tonight. Anyway off to Joshua Tree tomorrow via Anahiem and Palm Springs and looking forward to starting the trip proper.